In my Father's den I would recall a cartoon that he hung on the wall titled "Good-bye Cruel World," a man in a toilet with the lid closing down upon him.
Even as a child I would comprehend the serious message put forth, that the world was a disappointment, an intolerable place for those who would have to find their peace not a part of it.
My Father and I would sit down for a learning session this day.
He would want to talk about Kamikaze pilots, the thousands of military aviators who flew suicide attacks during World War II, also killing more than 7,000 naval personnel.
He would talk about this group with admiration, like they were his secret longing.
My father would always smile a little bit when discussing such serious grave subjects.
Finally, he would look at me and say, "you know I would give up my life for you."
Oh, heartache.
Miss you, Dad.