This inquiry method is not from the perspective of the offender, but from the perspective of the offended, and so offers a balance, a coping strategy, to those who rarely identify with the former, who feel the trend emphasizes too much the former.
Also, it is for those who haven't even made it to the first steps, to work through stressful thoughts about a person or situation, instead of just saying "forget it."
In an introductory publication, "The Work of Byron Katie," Katie works through her method using her ex-husband, Paul, in many examples. Reliving her experience with Paul, she delves in, Paul should be kinder to me, not lie to me, not be childish. Monitoring closely her thoughts and feelings, she shares with us possible answers to the four questions for this common problem person for so many. She completes her inquiry with insights such as: “I should be kind to myself,” so she doesn’t have to wait for kindness from others, and “Paul shouldn’t be kind to me,” because he isn’t kind and that’s the truth.
This method emphasizes accepting what is and that what happened should have even though one doesn't like it. One doesn’t have to condone or approve of it.
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