I am providing service to my Church as a member of a team.
All team members are women.
In this group, every year, there is the option to play "secret pal" in which almost everyone participates.
The suggestion is that every month one leaves a small card or gift to one's secret pal, expecting that one will be gifted the same from their secret pal who is another person.
It becomes for me an experience like the yearly chore of sending out more Christmas cards than I receive.
But, I continue to participate into the next years.
One year, at the final meeting, I find out that my secret pal is the veterinarian on the team. She has gifted me but stumbles on her words in a sort of apology that she could have been a better secret pal.
Is there something wrong with me? I am sure that I am not unlikeable. Perhaps there is something wrong with them, my secret pals, or something about me that brings out the devil in them.
In what will be my final year of participation in this secret pal knock-up system, I have received nothing from my secret pal all year. In retrospect, perhaps I should have addressed my issue with the director who knew everyone's match-ups. I am anticipating that at the final meeting I will receive a huge basket of goodies, making up for the lack. But, one by one, happy team members connect with their secret pal revelations while I wait in expectation. My expectation ends in nothingness.
The following year I still serve in the group, but when the question is asked of each team member, do you want to be a secret pal?, I decline. Now, to everyone I look selfish, but in reality, I am giving it back to myself, keeping the equality.
It will be the ongoing journey of trying to make this work, reconnecting, then disconnecting again from the facade.
It will be the ongoing journey of trying to make this work, reconnecting, then disconnecting again from the facade.
Posting soon: Revisiting Secret Pal